


My Love, I Will Stand By You

by sapphire_deity



Series: Kanera Song Fics [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: "I'll Stand By You", Adorable idiots in love, Blindness, F/M, Nightmares, Song fic again, clearly i have an obsession, gratuitous hurt/comfort, kanera - Freeform, nobody is surprised - Freeform, panic induced from said blindness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28434648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphire_deity/pseuds/sapphire_deity
Summary: "I'll stand by youI'll stand by you"She stood beside him at his first briefing back in the field.  He had been training so hard to get back to field capability, she knew.  She had been there every time he ran into something, every time he staggered, every time he misjudged distances.  He had improved, slowly, but her Kanan would never quit.  It showed, and the pride she felt at his side was stronger than it had ever been before.
Relationships: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Series: Kanera Song Fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069226
Kudos: 12





	My Love, I Will Stand By You

**Author's Note:**

> Once again abunchoftookas is the mvp beta, vor entye!

_ Oh, why you look so sad? _

Ezra walked out of the  _ Phantom _ to meet her first, eyes glassy. Eye contact for a second, long enough to scare her with what she saw in his face as he turned back to help Kanan. Kanan, who was clutching bandages to his face. Kanan, who was clutching her arm as she rushed him to the medic. Kanan, who heard he would never be able to see again and  _ sagged. _

_ Tears are in your eyes _

_ Come on and come to me now _

She knew that he wouldn’t even be able to cry, not really. All the times she held him as he sobbed over Order 66 and his lost master and home were in the past. The emotional release no longer an option for him in the same way. One more on a laundry list of things for her to help him work through properly, she knew. So she waited, waited for him to come to her for the help they both knew he needed.

_ Don't be ashamed to cry _

_ Let me see you through _

_ 'Cause I've seen the dark side too _

He was so afraid of Falling. He had told her, over and over again in their years together, that he refused to do it. On the bad days he begged her to not let him, broken tones beseeching something of her she didn’t know if she could provide. Now, though, she almost felt like she understood. Without tears he was left with few options: release his feelings into the Force, or talk them out with her. When the first failed, the knock came gently on her door. He stood, shoulders rolled forward under the weight of his emotion in a way he never would have allowed if he was in control of his emotions. She drew him in, laid him down, held him.

“I know it’s hard Love. Let me in, I’m going to help you so you don’t Fall.”

He cried that night, ugly sobbing noises without tears as he finally shattered in her arms. All she could do was hold his pieces together, but it was enough for them to start mending into a whole.

_ When the night falls on you _

_ You don't know what to do _

“Hera I don’t know if I can do this, I can’t see, what use is a Jedi--”

“No, Kanan. You are so much more than this, more than being a Jedi. You are Kanan, you are enough, you will continue to be enough. You will learn to move through this my love, because you can do nothing less.”

_ Nothing you confess _

_ Could make me love you less _

“I don’t want to try and help him, Hera, I only want him dead. Forget being a Jedi, what kind of person does that make me? What makes me better than the Imperials when all I want is to know he’s removed from the galaxy?”

“It makes you like everyone else, Love. You are a person, just like you said. The only thing that we, as people, can do is our best. I want him dead too, and I have much less reason than you do. Not everyone gets to be saved, and knowing that is enough.”

_ I'll stand by you _

_ I'll stand by you _

She stood beside him at his first briefing back in the field. He had been training so hard to get back to field capability, she knew. She had been there every time he ran into something, every time he staggered, every time he misjudged distances. He had improved, slowly, but her Kanan would never quit. It showed, and the pride she felt at his side was stronger than it had ever been before.

_ Won't let nobody hurt you _

_ I'll stand by you _

“Hey, isn’t that the blind Jedi? Kriff, I guess we really are desperate.”

The words had barely registered when she turned to face the young Rebel in the hallway, grabbing him by the collar and shoving him into the wall, leaving Kanan behind her gaping.

“If you  _ ever _ speak ill of him again, I will leave you in the sands for the spiders to eat, do you hear me?”

The threat was quiet but underlined in steel that drained the color from his face. Her native Ryl accent coming through with the depth of her emotion. A breath, her hand retracting from his collar, entire body tense as she turned back to her Jedi. He simply smiled at her, holding out his arm for her.

_ So if you're mad, get mad _

_ Don't hold it all inside _

_ Come on and talk to me now _

She was so grateful for his Jedi training, it had saved them all so many times. He wouldn’t be who he was if not for that time of his life. She knew this rationally. But as she watched him struggle with his anger, with his grief, with the struggle to adapt to his new situation, she couldn’t help but curse the Jedi who had told him to exert such exacting emotional control. He stuffed it down, tried to release into the Force, stuffed it down again. All she could was wait for him to come to her. It felt like all she did was wait for him, and yet she knew that if it was what he needed, she would do it for the rest of her life. Because it was him, and he was hers.

_ Hey, what you got to hide? _

_ I get angry too _

_ Well I'm a lot like you _

People never realized that she had a temper. Years of holding it in until she was alone and could erupt safely, where her father couldn’t see, meant she never showed it to people. That became a moot point when you had a Jedi on your crew though. He knew she had a temper, but he never pushed at her, never tried to make her calm down. Only offered what she allowed him to, and it worked. Until the situation was flipped, and his anger was the one that she could feel. She could feel him in the back of her mind, a ball of contained emotion that was slowly festering until she decided she was done waiting for him to come to her. Sometimes you have to chase what’s yours, she reasoned. So she went to him, and she pushed. Prodded, guided, urged, placated. Every tool at her disposal to lance the rotting anger inside of him. She pulled him out into the desert, let him explode, and when he finally calmed and could think again, she was there to help him home again with stories of her childhood and the tantrums that she threw so he would feel less alone.

_ When you're standing at the crossroads _

_ And don't know which path to choose _

_ Let me come along _

She sat with him often when he used the Jedi holocron, desperately looking for guidance on how to best teach Ezra. She always felt as though she witnessed something holy when he opened it, the peace on his face was the calmest she ever saw him now. She sat, and she watched and listened, and when he asked what she thought she told him to trust himself.

_ 'Cause even if you're wrong _

_ I'll stand by you _

_ I'll stand by you _

The first time they tried to spar again she wasn’t actively watching. They didn’t need an audience, herself and Zeb and Sabine taking turns to glare away curious onlookers. When the indistinct voices behind her took on an angry sound she turned in time to see Ezra storm inside the  _ Ghost.  _ Kanan was shaking his head, facing down at the unlit lightsaber in his hand, sitting down dejected where he stood. Zeb rotated out with her as she went to him, her hand on his shoulder the way he always provided support for the others. His lean into it a grateful acceptance as he gathered his thoughts and steadied his senses.

_ Won't let nobody hurt you _

_ I'll stand by you _

The young Rebel who insulted him the first time wasn’t the last. She didn’t expect him to be, but she knew she couldn’t threaten the entire base without Sato hearing about it and ordering her to stand down. All she could do was smile with teeth at the women in the mess hall; give the men she sparred with a few extra bruises when she knew they had been laughing about him. It wasn’t enough, but the smile he always gave her before they went to bed each night made her feel like maybe it almost was.

_ Take me in, into your darkest hour _

_ And I'll never desert you _

She knew recovery wasn’t linear. Over and over again the medics told her that, told him that, told every soldier who passed through their domain that physical and mental recovery wasn’t linear. She had never understood until after a week without nightmares, she woke to Kanan with a nightmare stiff body and tachycardic heartbeat. 

“Kanan? Love, you’re okay, it was a nightmare.”

She was ready for him to crumple into her, knew it was coming even as her heart broke for him and she heard the doctors in her head, promising that this wasn’t the setback that it felt like it was.

_ I'll stand by you _

They were finally doing missions again, together. Ezra’s bond with Kanan had been fixed, the tension lessening by the day as they worked through their issues. Nightmares were one thing that she knew would never truly leave, but they were manageable. The crew adjusted, becoming more tightly-knit than ever. And there, in the middle of it all, was Kanan. Her Kanan, the first mate to her captain. The partner in her crimes, the one who had promised to see her again when he left that day. He hadn’t broken his promise to her. He still saw her, the only one who ever truly could. Maybe not with his eyes, but their hearts still ran true together, and their love remained intact and undaunted. As she stood beside him in the  _ Ghost,  _ home from a successful mission, it felt like she was finally able to breathe again.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the end of this little series for now. Will I come back to write more out of my Kanera Spotify playlist? More than likely. Stay tuned for an influx of Bacara fics, coming soon!


End file.
